2022 - 2023

Another journal entry (2023)

It’s a normal day today.

In many ways incredibly insignificant.

Maybe the clouds drag across the sky

a little faster than they normally do,

leaving fading imprints of what they were

ten minutes, or perhaps ten hours ago?

A never-ending centrifugal daydream.

And what remains of you is forced

into repeated reels of silent stories in my mind,

each implausible or plausible as the last.

They swirl with attempts at recall,

of the tones that carry your laughter,

or when you call out my name,

in excitement, or even in upset.

So I cease tending to our garden,

in the knowledge that your return will not come.

My unwilling desire to create a dense flora

of expansive nothingness,

A barren space, immortalised for you, 

my final act of dedication.

Conversely, whatever monument I occupy 

in your courtyard of mistakes, 

I hope, is small, modest, overgrown with weeds,

with my name barely visible.

In a dream, I didn’t need to wish I could paint (2023)

The illogical architecture of this realm,

home to the most curious amalgamations. 

It paradoxically unites clashing realities,

crudely held together

by the one common denominator that is, well, me. 

A space where the subconscious reigns

over my very own appointments,

as they elect to sleep on the job.

Impossibilities so unashamedly expressed,

I pause for some time to recall…

A former love, sitting by me on a bus to nowhere in particular. 

I am showing them a painting that I am truly proud of.

They like it too. 

It’s far better than anything I can do.

Measurements (2023)

Never ending swathes of the same

introductions, variations of 

tactful, and unsubtle, attempts to elicit my ethnicity.

Smiles betraying nothing other than

a supposedly innocuous invitation to explore,

Beyond the selection demonstrating a handful of façades-

curated, greatest hits, best moments, etcetera.

There is - of course - always something more.

Like vast intimate fibres, and fabric

cut to form a conscious living being

that is very much multidimensional, perceiving

And yet also uniquely weathered.

You once told me that you were a good judge of character

I wonder if you ever foresaw this part.

My unravelling, seeking comfort 

in the emotional generosity of strangers.

A recipe for Breakfast Surprise (2023)

I forget the components,

of a somewhat well-thought out plan to cheer you up.

You enjoy the day’s first meal, of course

so I named this aptly.

I recall your never ending fatigue,

perhaps from all of this, exhausting confinement.

An ornate cage, where two songbirds furiously sing,

the same old songs to death.

I reminisce on my naïve assertion:

“No, it must be nutritional!”

So I set forth on a state-approved outdoor adventure,

to bring back possibly the most processed delights.

I hope that you are happier these days.